snowstorm

What Does Life Mean To Me?

2005-09-05T20:19:00.000-07:00

Well, here I sit yet one more time - recovering from my heart attack and watching the continuing-to-unfold drama of Katrina.

I have so much to be grateful for -- my life, my family, my home. I know that the victims of the storm are too busy worrying about such mundane things as finding a drop of potable water or the ability to use a clean toilet, that they don't have time to be grateful for what little they have left, or maybe they do. Who am I to wonder? I hope that my prayers are being heard.

As for me, I need to finally find my purpose in life because I think that I'm in Act III - and so far, I'm not impressed. My family says that I'm being too hard on myself but I would like to think that when my time comes, I would be satisfied with the contribution that I made to this world while I was here. I hope that Mom was able to do that.

Heightened Awareness!

2005-09-02T08:50:00.000-07:00

Just days before my mother died, mom laid in the ICU in a mostly incoherent state. She couldn't talk too much and didn't really, though there were a few fleeting moments of clarity. At one point, she even apologized to me. In one of these vocal instances, mom appeared quite agitated and was restlessly wriggling around the bed . She was voicing things that I heard, understood, but couldn't comprehend. I thought that she was hallucinating as many people under high levels of stress often do. She was rambling on about the "police" and that "the President isn't listening!" - "He won't listen to me!". I thought at the time (just over a year ago) that this was odd, yet puzzling. The President? Mom wasn't all that political, and the police? Gambling is legal - what did she have to fear? Perhaps this episode that has remained in the back of my mind for over a year is coming to fruition in a sort of twisted "deja vu" in the reality of it all. Did Mom see this coming? Do we have a window into the future when our time is coming? Is this event the trigger that sets the wheels in motion for something bigger? Hard to say, but for now, I'll still keep my mind open to all the possibilities.

Please, if you can't do any thing else, pray for our fellow man suffering in New Orleans.

How Embarrassing!

2005-09-01T18:39:00.000-07:00

I am not unpatriotic.

Like so many others, I wonder why CNN and The Weather Channel were able to to get key players in place in advance of the storm and the National Guard (gov't at large) wasn't.

I wonder why pride is standing in the way of getting the job done. At this point, save those people already - stop laying blame and passing the buck. Just do it! Yeah, it's a tough situation, but if we can't rely on the government at times like this, would somebody please tell me why I pay taxes to begin with? I've always contended that in the higher taxed Scandinavian countries - it's a matter of you get what you pay for. And if you are wondering why I don't live there, simple - 1) they don't want foreigners in their countries and 2) I don't speak Swedish (Norwegian, Danish, Finnish or Icelandic, for that matter).

The USA's Pompeii?

2005-08-31T10:49:00.000-07:00

I sit infront of the TV and watch what could be an "Armageddon" like TV movie of the week - no, its the actual CNN coverage of Hurricane Katrina and it's aftermath.

If it isn't bad enough watching a "spared" New Orleans go from a little wet and windy to the picture of total deterioration and devastation - a city falling apart right in front of my eyes - I also have to witness the collapse of humanity. The fact that 1 person thought it OK to start looting a city underwater was bad enough - but whole throngs of people - unimaginable. Without shame, with no regard for their fellow man - and not even necessities! TV's, clothes of any size, dry goods, electrics that can't even be plugged in! Anything that wasn't bolted to the ground. Is there no shame or embarrassment? A policeman was shot while trying to stop the madness - in the head no less - when will someone put an end to it? We can't control the weather but can we please be there for each other?

Ich moechte gerne weglaufen!

2005-08-26T06:06:00.000-07:00

Keine Ueberaschung das ein paar Fehler darunter liegt! Deutsch ist nicht meine Muttersprache!
Warum muss ich immer was zu erleben? Letzes Jahr, war es meine Mutti die ploetzlich gestorben ist, und jetzt den Herzinfarkt. Ich sitze hier schon wieder mal in meiner Kueche und schreibe etwas hier und denke - und nehme ich etwas vor - was soll ich denn heute tun?

Ja, bin ich vierzig jahre alt - so ungesund habe ich nicht gegessen, ein bisschen geraucht, ja, aber nur ein Schachtel pro Tag. Das soll man nicht umbringen werden. Leider ist der Antwort schlechten "Genes" von der Seite des Vaters. Schoen! Und ich will bloss rauchen! Es ist schon eine Woche und zwei Tage spaeter und bis jetzt habe ich nicht geraucht, aber wenn ich so gelangweilt bin, wie jetzt, ist es ebenso so schwer NEIN zu sagen.

Gott sei Dank dass ich hier sitzen kann und mit euch zu reden! In diesem Moment, fuele ich mich nicht so ganz alleine.

My Life has a Soundtrack....and it's sung by Donna Summer!

2005-08-25T20:56:00.000-07:00

Narcissism doesn't run too deep here!

I can say that I was taught not to be wishy-washy. If you liked something, you justified your reason for doing so - and you stuck to it. You can't change your mind. It's an either or thing. Either you like it, or you don't - plain and simple. And so was the case when an 11 year old boy sat in front of the TV in the den (we had den's back in the 70's) and saw the US TV premier of this international singing sensation, just off the plane from Germany..... Donna Summer. Dick Clark introduced her and asked her if she could say something in German. She replied "Ich liebe dich".

It's confusing when you hear this song that strikes a chord from somewhere inside where you don't understand (remember, I'm 11 at this point and the song was "Love to Love You Baby"!) but it was the voice.. that melodic chant that I have learned to come to appreciate all these many years later. In the beginning, it was more of a "I was here when I heard this song for the first time". It then later morphed into a "how can I apply what I've heard to this situation that I find myself in?" type of thing - and coincidentally - the songs themselves changed. First, some ding-dong is putting a cake out in the rain and years later we're perservering, not giving up, charging on, moving forward and following the dream that's in me.

Luckily, someone has been doing what they like to do that's benefited my life and well being.

What's really funny is, I confided to a co-worker my loyalty to one aforementioned singer. After going through the "who?" and "huh?" and "what did she sing?" routine, we now have the pleasure of walking in to a bar/cafe/restaurant and 9 times out of 10, we'll hear 1 Donna Summer song over the loudspeaker before we leave.

Why Snowstorm?

2005-08-25T16:29:00.000-07:00

Remember driving through those blinding snowstorms where the snow is coming right at you and each flake must be about as big as a quarter? And all you're trying to do is stay on the road without hitting anything and trying to recognize what that thing is in front of you. It looks like a black speck, or a glob of something, you're not sure but you know it's gotta be SOMETHING! Well, that's what it's been like living every single day of my life. I didn't know that some people live like they're driving through the Arizona desert.

Here I am!

2005-08-25T15:32:00.000-07:00

Can't get any more amateur-ish than this!

Let me introduce myself. My name is Randolph and I had a heart attack one week ago today.

If that's not bad enough, I'm sitting here in my kitchen, alone, in a strange, unfamiliar city with my family eight hundred miles away pondering the "age-old meaning of life" yadee yadee yadah kind-a-stuff. And it all started out by asking if HE was out there! Don't you love those Google searches? You start out looking for one thing and end up somewhere you'd never thought you'd be! Sounds strangely a little bit like my life; or maybe even yours?

While I sit and ponder the meaning of it all and find the direction I'll need to go, I'll invite all y'all who want to keep me company on the journey I'm about to take to ride along and crack a joke every now and then.